Vipassana Meditation Retreat

What a contrast my body and mind felt when after a week of relaxing and partying, I moved to Wat Kow Tahm for a 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat. I’ve wanted to do this for a while, and felt fortunate to have found this Wat on the Internet. I planned my travels so that I would be on Koh Phangan for the retreat. I have friends who have done this type of meditation so I knew what it entailed. 10 days of total silence, each day starting at 4 a.m. ending at 8 p.m., having a vegetarian diet, spending most of the day focusing inward in meditation. I know that this is not one’s idea of a good time for lots of people; yet for me, it sounded so luxurious. Imagine having 10 whole days of focusing on yourself and meditating! It shows what a crazy year I had, not having a minute to spare for myself.
The first 3 days were tough. My body was not used to getting up so early. We had to wear clothing that covered our shoulders and knees which made the heat nauseating at times. I didn’t sleep well for two nights as there was a faint sound of techno music that lasted all night (and morning) from a party nearby. I wasn’t used to living amongst reptiles and amphibians; once, I was taking a bath (Thai style) and when I turned around there was a Tokay lizard (it’s pretty large) on the wall staring at me. The ‘bed’ (made out of wood cushioned by a sitting mat) gave me back pain. The meals were also a challenge at first; eating heavy meals for breakfast and lunch followed by fruit salad for dinner. It was also my first time formally meditating, and it was difficult to focus amidst all the chatter in my mind.
However, with all things, I got used to everything and began embracing the lifestyle. Each day consisted of yoga, working meditation (cleaning around the Wat), talks given by one of the teachers (Steve or Rosemary Weissman) and set times for sitting, walking and standing meditations.
Without going too much about the details, meditating is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I have so much chatter in my mind that goes off on tangents. There was a lot of frustration in the beginning because I felt that I wasn’t progressing.
However the talks given by the teachers helped tremendously. I really liked how they discussed the challenges of finding happiness in the West despite the tremendous wealth it possesses. I liked how they taught compassionate understanding and lovingkindness for yourself and others as being the foundation of happiness as well as mindfulness and non-attachment. I also appreciated their emphasis on non-attachment as NOT meaning not caring, which is sometimes misunderstood and misused for one’s self-interest.
Did I reach enlightenment? Did I gain eternal bliss? Certainly not. Meditation is a lifetime practice which demands constant effort and practice. However, on the 6th day, during a walking meditation, there was a moment when I looked at the leaves on the trees and felt pure JOY. I felt vibration radiating from my fingertips up to my arms. My vision was so clear. It was a calm tranquil joy with a child-like awe. The feeling lasted for about 2 minutes. I felt that joy again on day 8 but on a less intense level. What I realized from that joy I felt on day 6 was that I found happiness within me again. I thought it was something that I lost, but no, it was always there but hidden. That moment of finding that inner happiness gave me a peace of mind and strengh that I was searching for the longest time.
One surprise on day 9 was that we were able to talk for a few hours to our fellow meditators. The teachers felt that the relationships that we had with our them were as important as our relationship with ourselves and with our teachers. We spent 10 intense days together and formed intimate bonds although we didn’t say anything to each other. It felt strange to break the silence; my first thought was ‘What am I going to say to these people?’ Turns out the most felt the same way and a lot of them didn’t want to talk initially. The majority of people were from Europe (Germans were the biggest group); there were a few Americans, Canadians and one person from Malaysia. One American I got to know pretty well, Elicia, said that she used to take Pilates at the studio I work at. Through conversing with some of them, I found out that my teachers were well respected among meditator circles; some came to Thailand just for this retreat! Many have done Vipassana retreats before. The most unexpected comment that I received was when a woman approached me and said “You have such a presence when you meditate that makes me feel that you will be well known one day for having done something beneficial to the world. Ten years from now, I’ll be able to say ‘I was once at a meditation retreat with Janet!’” I was flabbergasted. After feeling so low and lost for a long time, that comment gave me such a feeling of hope and renewed energy.
Has the retreat changed me? Yes, in a subtle way. I found a new appreciation of how fortunate I am and learned to develop my mind on how to deal with life situations in a healthy way. I found a deep respect and belief of meditation.

Group Photo

Mae Chee Ahmon, Overseer of the Meditation Center

With fellow meditators, Suzan from Holland and Elicia from the U.S.

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Tags: Thailand